However, when you lose someone to suicide, it can feel different from other types of loss. Losing a friend or loved one is never easy. Instead, acceptance is learning to live again and to be able to reopen your heart, while still remembering the person who has passed away. Acceptance is not the same as forgetting. Sometimes anger is needed before you can accept the reality of the loss.ĪCCEPTANCE: "I can miss them and still continue living." The ultimate goal of healing is to accept the tragic event as something that could not have been prevented and cannot be changed. It is important to know that it is possible to both be angry with someone, and to still hold them dear in your heart. These feelings can be complex and distressing when they are directed at the person who died. Others feel anger towards a real or perceived culprit. Many who mourn feel a sense of abandonment. Typically, you gradually learn to accept the loss and embrace both your happy and sad memories.ĪNGER: "How could they do this to me?" Feelings of anger towards the person you have lost can arise. Feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, and self-pity are all common when dealing with a loss of a loved one. These feelings can be present for some time and can, at times, be triggered by memories and reminders of the loved one who was lost. SADNESS: "Why bother with anything?" Once the initial reactions to the death by suicide have lessened in intensity, feelings of sadness and depression can move to the forefront. It is human nature to blame oneself when experiencing a loss, rather than accepting the truth that some things were out of our control. In truth, no person can predict the future, nor can they know all the reasons for another person's actions. Guilt can also arise if there are un-reconciled issues with the deceased or regret about things said or not said. Guilt comes from the mistaken belief that we should have, or could have, prevented the death from happening. GUILT: "I think it was my fault." Feelings of guilt following a suicide are very common. In time, however, our minds become more able to analyze the tragic event, and this allows the denial to give way to less troubling emotions. Eventually, as you gather information and accept that you may not be able to know everything, you can begin to process the reality of this tragic event and all the emotions that come with it. This process can be even more challenging when there is little information or explanation about a loved one's suicide. Shock can protect the mind from becoming completely overwhelmed, allowing the person to function.ĭENIAL: "I feel fine." Sometimes people can consciously or unconsciously refuse to accept the facts and information about another's death. SHOCK: "I feel numb." Feelings of being dazed or detached are a common response to trauma. A person in grief may also experience some or all of the following feelings: Some may experience physical symptoms such as headaches or changes in appetite and/or sleeping patterns. No two people experience loss in the same way. These are natural feelings which will likely change as you move through the grieving. It can feel like you have fallen into a deep hole and will never be able to get out. The shock and grief that consumes you after you lose someone to suicide is overwhelming. While there is no easy way to grieve, it is often helpful to understand what you might experience as well have access to resource information. If you are a student survivor, this experience may be one of the most challenging experiences that you've ever faced. Coping With Losing a Friend, Partner, Or Family Member to Suicideĭeath by suicide not only affects the person who died, but also others - "suicide survivors" - who cared deeply about the person.
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